Today is an important remembrance day for the LGBT community as 311 transgender people have been murdered worldwide since October 2018 to Sept 2019. And those are just the ones that have been reported. Furthermore since 2008, there have been more than 3,000 trans and gender-fluid persons murdered worldwide. Knowing this is the first step because one of the most important things you can do is raise and spread awareness. Transgender people are murdered for just existing. In the U.S? Around 65% of the murders were women of color.
This also means that you need to pause and realize when you’re being (and often subconsciously) trans-phobic. Check yourself when you think something like: “Uh that dress makes her look really masc.” You’re going to think shitty things, society has taught you to. But something that you will see me write over and over and over is:
The thing you think first is what society taught you. The thing you think second and correct yourself (or act) on defines who you are.
By changing and retraining how you think will change how you act. Don’t beat yourself up for thinking something shitty because then that starts a spiral, but ABSOLUTELY correct yourself. “No, that dress is lovely and she looks lovely in it. I bet it makes her happy.” This can apply to every social issue these days.
One of the hardest and yet most critical thing you can do is to be the change that you want to see in the world. That means to check your friends and family when they say something shitty, even when there’s no LGBT people around. It’s on us to start retraining society, not the oppressed groups. So don’t let people dead name celebrities. You can say. “I think Caitlyn Jenner is a piece of shit for her politics, but that’s not an excuse for us to dead name or misgender her.” If they keep doing it, every time they say “Bruce” you say “Caitlyn”. If they get pissy, just shrug and counter “I’m just going to keep helping you until you remember her name.”
Now, I am not trans, I do however have many friends who are and these are the things that they’ve shared for how you can help them if you know someone!
– Correct pronouns FOR THEM. (Of course ask you person if they want you to do this, but most prefer someone else do it. ) If someone KEEPS doing it, you can pause and reintroduce them if you can’t leave. “This is Rebecca.” Or just get them out of there. How confrontational you should be about it is going to depend on your person. Your person should be your guild in all of these things.
– If they just came out, remember how scary it is. I full out confess that I am bad about this. In my mind, she’s a woman, cool, lets go. But the look of terror from some of their eyes when they have to pee is something that always brings me back. One moment that brought one of my friend’s to tears was my mom taking her hand and taking her to the bathroom and DragonCon. It was no biggie for us, but for her it meant the world.
– Offer to go WITH THEM to things when they first come out. Of course let them lead the way and their comfort zone, but offer to take them clothes shopping. Be there when they want to have their first day Out.
– Be their new family if they need it. Isolation is one of the most mentally crippling things for people. A lot of people in the LGBT community and especially our transgender friends have a heavily amount of trouble with their family. Many of them are completely ostracized. It’s the holidays be their family!
Look, I realize nothing in here is revolutionary. And frankly most of the people who this will reach are going to nod and go ‘well duh’. But I wrote this just in case someone like me a few years ago was wondering what they could do to help. Sometimes the really small things still make a huge impact.
Morn the dead.
Fight for the living.
Glitter and Games 