Frankly this should have been Shittastic… and yet it was more intriguing than anything!
I was almost a sommelier but was too broke for the test. So here is my not actually certified review of this OLD ASS cheap wine:
Color:
Holy crap this is dehydrated piss yellow. Like this is the color you’re going to pee after you chug this whole bottle.
I could write an entire piece on how fuggin yellow this wine is, and yet no other works come to me beyond ‘Dehydrated piss’.
Lets move on!
Smell:
Did I mention PISSY yet? Like this thing smells like an old ass Sav Blanc that never grew out of AXE body spray.
Okay,
more serious this time: It is pissy yet floral. Like finding a bottle
of your grandma’s perfume that is long past it’s peak scent and has
changed with age. It’s a bit musky, but still definitely floral. Beyond
the color, I found the scent the most surprising.
Overall
the smell is very light, which is why I dont think it’s Turned yet. If
it was Turned it would have smelled like vinegar ass.
Flavor:
Once obnoxiously sweet
it’s now mellowed out a great deal over time. It’s deffo started to
‘turn’, but the vinegar flavor isnt really pronounced yet. I’d say this
would have been at it’s best about six months ago. Maybe Eight.
It’s
still very floral, but is now lacking that iconic Riesling
violet/lavender flavor to it. It’s matured into a very smooth sip with a
bit of a forward bite of sweetness without a kick in the face purple
flower mouth punch that’s iconic to the grape. It’s now turned into an
almost boozey rosewater forwardness.
The finish is
intriguing. HOLY TANG for the first 3 three seconds post sip, but unlike
usual… it just POOFS into a sort of fun after taste. It’s definitely
got a pissy bite to it there like an older Sav Blanc, which is almost
‘ew’ but it’s not overpowering. THEN it transforms into this Violet
Perfume kinda flavor.
Mouthfeel:
YUP, still a Riesling. Bitey, sassy, but just a
little fuller in the mouth and thicker on the tongue than normal. She’s
not young anymore; This wine knows how to kiss.
In Summary:
Im pleasantly surprised that this
cheap wine actually held out this long. Im also super intrigued at the
changes this has gone through. I’ve been sipping it then entire review
and Im pleasantly buzzed. I am well on my way to white gurl wasted and
enjoying the journey. (Spoiler: Im a SUPER lightweight.)
Cupcake,
I turned 30 a few days ago. I feel like you and I are now mature, older
women who are ready to get out there and take over the world. Thanks
for the girls night in. We’ll have to do this again. Cause… there’s like
four more glasses left and I’ll be damned if it’s going to waste!
Glitter and Games 